Hate to say goodbye?

As I told you before, I was going back to my hometown over the weekend. So on Sunday evening, I was all packed and ready to go back to my daily life.

You know, my friends always ask me this: Don’t you miss home? When are you going back for good? What about your family?

Allow me to walk you through my answers for that questions on a bullet points:

1. Don’t you miss home?
Hmm, I have to say depends. Depends on what you mean by home. If you mean the country, never. If you mean the family, maybe. If you mean friends, food and (it’s so silly) comic books, yes.

As I mentioned, you can say I have no feeling of love towards my own country. I lost it sometimes back. Sad I know. I grew up with a dad who had a strong nationalism and will to fight for his country. Although he’s not local. So I developed the same idealism at first. I always wanted to be a lawyer, to be someone who understand the law and have a chance to make a difference. But so many shit happened that cost me my idealism towards the country.

I do miss my family. That feeling of knowing someone always waiting for you to come home for dinner and people to share your best and shitty days, just to talk to. But then again, something has made me chose to live on my own. No, I didn’t feel lonely. Although I miss the homey feeling. And over the years I got me realised, I can’t live with them again. For short period like holiday, sure it’s fine. But to live again at the same house, I just can’t. Actually I hate the fact that I’ve become this person. Too independent? I used to be someone who family-oriented. That’s what my parents taught me. But again, something happened that I changed.

I know it maybe mean of me to say that friends, food and life style are mostly the reason I went back home, rather than my own family. But that’s just what it is. I have bunch of close friends back home that I miss so much. Miss hanging out with them, talking about silly thing or just pulling each other’s legs. Food? That’s just something I can’t resist. What can I say, I’m happiest with my tummy full 😉 Oh and the one thing I miss is my comic books! I collect comic books since junior Hugh school, I practically have about 3000 comic books! Every time I go home, bookstore is the first on my to-do list! 😀

2. When are you going back for good?
I would like to say: never if possible. Yup, ever since I was little, I always want to travel around the world. And my dream is to stay in Holland (did I mention that I’m 1/8 Dutch?). So yes, I don’t want to go home for good. That’s not the place I want to settle.

3. What about your family?
As I mentioned in point 1, I have the feeling that I can’t live with my family anymore. Not under the same roof, or even that close in the same country. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But sometimes, it’s just too much to take.

So yesterday I have to say goodbye to my mom and sister again for like a dozen times. My mom always tearing up every time she sent me to the airport, my sister only the first time I went out of the country. Me? I do feel sad to leave them, I’m gonna miss them. But I never really cry because of it. And some part of me, feel relieve to go. To have some distance from all the drama.

Am I a loner? Maybe. But I didn’t feel lonely, though. And I don’t really hate goodbyes, not really.



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