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Archive for March, 2014|Monthly archive page

Complicated or not

In Unraveled on March 23, 2014 at 12:40 pm
Maya: So what’s the problem?
Will:¬†It’s complicated
Maya:¬†Everything with you is so complicated. I bet if you just told me the story, you’d realise that it’s not complicated at all.

– Definitely, Maybe (2008)

More often than not, this is what usually happens with me. I always hesitated to start talking to someone about how I really feel because I thought it will be too complicated to explain. And maybe they won’t understand at all.

This movie conversation really remind me about it. This is my train of thought:
Do they even care to listen? Why is it matter for them to listen to my story? Why is it matter to me to tell anybody at all?
Will it make me feel better? What if it makes me even worse than I already am? What if they don’t understand what I’m trying to say?
What if they look down on me after I tell them the truth?

And the list goes on…

And because of that, I keep it all in for myself. I thought nobody need to know what’s going on inside me. They just need to see the happy, low-profile, easy-going me. Me with no problem whatsoever and always optimistic about everything that everything has it silver lining. And then I kick myself by thinking that they don’t care.

But just like Maya said, maybe it’s just all in my mind. If I actually tried to open up to someone, it won’t be complicated at all. And at the end of the day, you need someone you feel comfortable enough to tell your dark little secret to. And maybe, that someone need to know about it too.

Someone told me: how do you expect somebody to understand if you didn’t even give them a chance in the first place?

They absolutely right. It’s not that they don’t care, just that they never have a clue from me!

Will: Do you think that if I tell you the story, it’s gonna make everything better? It doesn’t work that way.
Maya: Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Tell me and we’ll find out.

So I promised myself, I have to open up to people. Let them hear my story.
Maybe I feel better, maybe I feel worse, but let me find out.

I.J.G

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The dark corner of my mind (11 of n)

In Unraveled on March 11, 2014 at 7:55 am

“Seriously how could this happened? All the equipment should be tested for safety before the challenge!!” Raven’s voice filled the entire room. We’re in one of the small meeting room to somewhat discuss the accident.

You think this is an ‘accident’??
That voice again.
Shut up, I don’t know anything about this and of course, I don’t believe anybody could do anything like this.
I hear laughter in my head.
Oh, that’s what you let yourself to believe! You and I know better than that, don’t we?
No, no, NO!! I know nothing about this madness!!
I don’t sound convincing at all. I even doubt myself.

“HEY, are you listening?!” Raven’s scream broke all my thoughts. “Yes, of course I am,” I answer try my best to sound more convincing. “Then tell me, how could this happened!!” Raven’s voice is higher than ever. I put a stunned expression on my face, “Why you’re asking me? You should ask Gill, he’s in charge to check all the equipment for safety.”

All eyes on me now, and Gill open his damn mouth, “No, I’m suppose to check all of them. But then YOU told me leave it all to you.”

That laughter again.
I told you. You can’t even convince yourself, how do you expect people to believe your words.
Shut up! I have nothing to do with this!
Just answer me this first: who else has the opportunity and a reason to do so? Are you 100% sure that you didn’t do this?
I don’t know what to say. Did I do this? Why?! A reason to do so? No way. I don’t even know that guy!
And then I saw her. That little girl just in front of the meeting room.

I.J.G

My thoughts

In Uncategorized on March 7, 2014 at 11:38 pm

I thought a thought that I thought I had thought, but the thought that I had thought was not the thought that I had thought that I had thought

Confused? Me too.

I.J.G

People next to you

In Uncategorized on March 7, 2014 at 11:31 am

Sometimes you need someone to talk too
But the wall you put up is too high for them to really see you
Sometimes you need to hold on to something
Sometimes, you gotta talk quieter to see who’s listening
Sometimes u make a mistake to see who will fix it
Sometimes you need to let go
But sometimes its harder to decide which to do

We hide to be found
We walk away to see who will follow
We cry to see who will wipe away our tears
We let our hearts get broken to see who will fix them

A true friend accepts you as you are, never tries to change you
Someone you can always be yourself around, stands by your side ready to catch you when you fall

There are things that I don’t want to continue, but I’m afraid to end them
It’s just like I don’t want to expect anything, but I’m still willing to wait

I have to keep trying with you,
because the truth is,
whenever I see you smile,
it makes me forget whatever I’m saying,
whatever I’m thinking.

I.J.G