Complicated or not

Maya: So what’s the problem?
Will: It’s complicated
Maya: Everything with you is so complicated. I bet if you just told me the story, you’d realise that it’s not complicated at all.

– Definitely, Maybe (2008)

More often than not, this is what usually happens with me. I always hesitated to start talking to someone about how I really feel because I thought it will be too complicated to explain. And maybe they won’t understand at all.

This movie conversation really remind me about it. This is my train of thought:
Do they even care to listen? Why is it matter for them to listen to my story? Why is it matter to me to tell anybody at all?
Will it make me feel better? What if it makes me even worse than I already am? What if they don’t understand what I’m trying to say?
What if they look down on me after I tell them the truth?

And the list goes on…

And because of that, I keep it all in for myself. I thought nobody need to know what’s going on inside me. They just need to see the happy, low-profile, easy-going me. Me with no problem whatsoever and always optimistic about everything that everything has it silver lining. And then I kick myself by thinking that they don’t care.

But just like Maya said, maybe it’s just all in my mind. If I actually tried to open up to someone, it won’t be complicated at all. And at the end of the day, you need someone you feel comfortable enough to tell your dark little secret to. And maybe, that someone need to know about it too.

Someone told me: how do you expect somebody to understand if you didn’t even give them a chance in the first place?

They absolutely right. It’s not that they don’t care, just that they never have a clue from me!

Will: Do you think that if I tell you the story, it’s gonna make everything better? It doesn’t work that way.
Maya: Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Tell me and we’ll find out.

So I promised myself, I have to open up to people. Let them hear my story.
Maybe I feel better, maybe I feel worse, but let me find out.



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