Archive for the ‘Unraveled’ Category

Smile again

In Unraveled on March 10, 2015 at 11:46 pm

I’ve already learned sadness, yet you chose to stay.
When in despair, I chose to write my dreams and live on.
And it’s because I always choose to be brave.

It’s okay even if I travel a different road from the others.
Even if I can’t smile properly.
With the person I like, the person I can trust, and the person who gave  me blessing from the heart.
Because of this, I am able to pray and bless those people.

Only through words, looking at those things I couldn’t.
The wishes I made when I was little.
From now on, I’ll fulfill my wishes one by one.

You once said to me:
I cherish you more than anything.
Please, smile again. Keep smiling.
I wouldn’t be by your side anymore to protect you,
but I pray for you.

And so I will. Smile again.




In Unraveled on January 21, 2015 at 11:33 pm

I can finally understand the feeling of being unloved.
Coming up wave after wave, from the bottom of my being.
Dark… I can only see darkness.
This kind of dark emotion makes me want to kill.

It hurts everyday and yet I don’t know what to do.
It’s because I don’t have any confidence in myself.
I just like to leave everything and escape.
But why, why do I want to see his smiling face again?
There should be no reason for regrets.


The dark corner of my mind (n of n)

In Unraveled on September 29, 2014 at 8:23 pm

I am standing still for few seconds.
Unable to move, not even to breathe.
What just happened? How did it happen? What have I done?!
Puddle of fresh blood touch my shoes. His body is not moving in front of my eyes. I looked at my hand. A knife?
It can’t be.

Then suddenly the scene’s changed. Somehow I’m at the office building where the challenge was. But it’s different. Where’s everybody? What happened to the person who fell down?
I realised that I’m holding the rope used for the challenge and a scissor.
I started cutting the rope, not all the way but just enough to make it fragile if someone used it for climbing.
I remember telling Gill that I will take care of the rope for the challenge. Is THIS what I meant by “take care”of it?!

No! It can’t be!! I didn’t do all of this!!
Oh, but yes you did…
That voice again.. No… What have I done..

Right then, I saw the little girl again. This time, she’s sitting in the corner of the room, crying. Why does she cry? She somehow knows something about all this.
Or maybe, all this is just part of my dream. Weird, twisted and creepy dream, but a dream nonetheless.
You wish, wouldn’t you?
“SHUT UP! Stop messing with my head!!” I screamed as loud as I can. Like it would work.
The little girl looked up at me and started crying even more hysterically and screamed, “NO! Stop it, pleaseee!! She’s gonna get hurt!! STOP!!”

Suddenly all went black.

Next thing I know, I woke up sweating on my own bed.
It was just a dream. A freaky nightmare. That’s all.

Then I looked at my hands, and it still red with fresh blood…
Oh no…

The End.


Ready for the real world (?)

In Daily living, Random, Unraveled on August 16, 2014 at 12:29 pm

Say we figure out how to lower the global temperature and find away to safely break down all the plastic we’ve dumped, all the toxins we’ve unleashed.

Maybe we find a way to bring population growth down to a sustainable level and resurrect species we’ve killed off. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
Wouldn’t that be just peachy?

And if that’s the case, our little group, we become nothing but happy fools. That’s Plan A for humanity.

We’re launching Plan B. We’re the ones who love life so much that we have to pass it on. What is to come is a beautiful age, a heroic age.

The impending dystopia you talk about only looks like dystopia to those of us who’ve lived surrounded by privilege. To everybody else it’s called history. I need to be here for those people. They’re my people. I belong to them.

And then he left?


And now you’re here.

Are we finished? Is it time? 

Yes. Are you ready to see what the real world looks like now?

Yes. Show me.

– Blueprints of the Afterlife
By Ryan Boudinot

Seriously a perfect ending to this amazing book. When I first picked it up I never thought it would be this good! Great reading indeed!


What kind of world you imagine?

In Random, Unraveled on August 11, 2014 at 10:37 pm

What do you think is beyond that door? This isn’t a rhetorical question.
What’s beyond that door?

I don’t know.

Well, there’s a hallway,  some offices, a break room with vending machines for soft drinks and snacks, a parking garage.

Beyond that there’s a city, with streets lined with stores. There are dry cleaners, gas stations, churches and schools.

There are freeways leading to the suburbs where there are homes where people live. And in those hones are kitchens where food is prepared, bedrooms where people sleep and dream, garages where they put their cars.

People typically get up and go to work 5 days a week then spend spend a couple days doing whatever they want. People take vacations, make money, meet partners, have children, get old, get admitted to hospitals, then die.

Every year there are a couple new and exciting electronic gadgets that people get excited about. People pay attention to sports scores and who celebrities are sleeping with. They try to get promotions to get more money to spend on stuff for themselves.

Some of them go to community gatherings, some get obese, a very few commit criminals acts and get incarcerated. There are addicts, social workers, software developers, bus drivers, attorneys and teachers.

Everyone getting up in the morning, taking showers,  listening to the radio on the way to work, catching a movie on the weekend or doing some gardening.

That’s the world out there. Not some fucked-up nightmare. So things got a little hotter there for a while that’s to fossil fuels. We’ve had wars, some instances of genocide. A terrorist attack on occasion. But overall, we see problem, we fix them, and we move on.

You’re a nihilist. You’ve given up on the
You said it yourself, “It’s flattering to imagine that you’re so important that somebody struggle over your fate”, but you feel for it too. You let your imagination get the best of you. Imagining a postapocalyptic future is just a way to cope with your sense of being an outsider.

Since you can’t fix the disappointments of your real life, you imagine a future life in which you’ve miraculously survived and are looked to. But this is all there is. All we have are roads, buildings, institutions, commerce, entertainment, governments and jobs. This is the real world. There is no other world.

I’m done here.

I’m not trying to get into a fight. But I think we’ve reached a point when we have to change the fundamental question.  Instead of asking what kind of world you live in, it’s time to ask what kind of world you want.

Too late for that.

It’s not, though. It’s entirely up to you.  What kind of world can you imagine? A sick world of suffering? Or one of beauty and light?

What’s it going to be?

– Blueprints of the Afterlife
(I told you this book is great ;))


Bad memories

In Unraveled on August 11, 2014 at 9:30 pm

But the very memories of off-loading had traces of those horrible memories, so I had to erase the memory of erasing the memory.
I remember erasing a memory of erasing a memory of erasing a memory.
The original memory must have been something pretty bad.


Stages in life

In Unraveled on August 9, 2014 at 9:41 pm

There’s denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance.
You’re probably going through a little of that yourself right now.
And you’ve probably noticed you don’t pass through those stages in straight line.
Thing is, the human race as a whole is going through stages.
For a long time it was denial, right?

– Blueprints of the Afterlife

God, I love this book! 😍
Recommended for your light reading 🙂


Insignificant (?)

In Random, Unraveled on August 9, 2014 at 9:30 pm

It’s flattering to imagine that you’re so important that somebody struggle over your fate.
But what if it’s just the opposite?
What if we’re too insignificant for anyone to really give a shit about what happens to us?


The dark corner of my mind (13 of n)

In Unraveled on July 23, 2014 at 4:54 pm

I see myself in this familiar house. This is where it all happened.
I remember standing in the middle of the room heard him screaming, begging for help. “NO! NO! Please, don’t do this! Let me go!”

I just don’t listen to him, in my hand was a big steak knife. This is not good. “No one to help you here. Nobody will hear you! So stop with all the screaming! YOU deserve this!!”

My heart was telling me No, don’t do this. This is not the way. But my brain  and my body just didn’t listen. I got to do it, he must suffer! He must feel what I feel before! 

And it all happened, flashed back right before my eyes the scene of me start stabbing the knife 27 times right into his chest. Puddle of blood started to accumulate the floor, all red. The it all stopped, silence. No sound but the sound of blood drops dripping down the knife. I must regret this, it’s terrible, I must feel really bad! 

No, wait. All those feelings rushing back to me. It’s not regret, no remorse. Instead, I feel a rush of …victory. Nothing feels like it before.  Then, I see myself grinning, smiling with satisfaction.

Oh, god.


Frozen time

In Unraveled on July 13, 2014 at 1:25 pm

There were all sorts of dead shellfish at the sea, weren’t they?
This one shone the brightest.

I thought prevolously: I’m glad that I came here. Do you ever wonder why it is that people are born at all?

I do think that from the moment we’re born, we have a drive to keep looking for something to give our lives meaning.
If you don’t say what you want to, you may never get the chance again.

I didn’t even give the sea more than  a passing glance. I was only looking at you.

In front of me he was always smiling and I’ve been the one to show the pain on my face. You don’t have to smile anymore.

I want to keep you close to my heart, I want to make you happy, I was always watching you.

Now I know why you were always smiling and I know the meaning of your existence. The morning of the second day, I saw the sea for the first time in my life.

You’re the one who made my frozen time to start moving again.