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Posts Tagged ‘psychological’

Logic

In Random on January 26, 2015 at 11:34 pm

But sometimes when an actual example appears,
it all comes down to a question of whether or not you accept it, or if you believe it.
There’s no middle ground.
You have to make a mental leap.
Logic isn’t really helping you out.

Maybe it can’t.
Logic isn’t some convenient manual you just consult.
Later on, though, you should be able to apply logic to any given situation.

I don’t believe in anything.
Not in logic, or illogic.
Not in God, or the devil.
No extension  of a hypothesis, nothing like a leap.
I just silently accept everything as it is.
That’s my basic problem, really.
I can’t erect a decent barrier between subject and object.

– Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Year of Pilgrimage
by: Haruki Murakami

P.S.: Recommended book ūüėČ

I.J.G

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The dark corner of my mind (13 of n)

In Unraveled on July 23, 2014 at 4:54 pm

I see myself in this familiar house. This is where it all happened.
I remember standing in the middle of the room heard him screaming, begging for help. “NO! NO! Please, don’t do this! Let me go!”

I just don’t listen to him, in my hand was a big steak knife. This is not good. “No one to help you here. Nobody will hear you! So stop with all the screaming! YOU deserve this!!”

My heart was telling me No, don’t do this. This is not the way. But my brain ¬†and my body just didn’t listen. I got to do it, he must suffer! He must feel what I feel before!¬†

And it all happened, flashed back right before my eyes the scene of me start stabbing the knife 27 times right into his chest. Puddle of blood started to accumulate the floor, all red. The it all stopped, silence. No sound but the sound of blood drops dripping down the knife. I must regret this, it’s terrible, I must feel really bad!¬†

No, wait. All those feelings rushing back to me. It’s not regret, no remorse. Instead, I feel a rush of …victory. Nothing feels like it before.¬†¬†Then, I see myself grinning, smiling with satisfaction.

Oh, god.

I.J.G

Give me sunlight

In Unraveled on December 11, 2013 at 9:05 pm

Even now I don’t know how it happened. Before I realised it, you were constantly in my sight and that, for no reason whatsoever, terrified me. I thought you’d been following me. Then one day I realised, I was the one following you and I was the one who wanted to be killed. I wonder how I’ve manged to live up till now. Don’t know how, but I’ll get by. Slowly pull myself together.

This is just self-defense. Whenever I get betrayed, it heightens up. Not wanting to be hurt. When I don’t know all about the other party. I feel insecure. I want to believe in you, but first let me say this: with me like this, the wound that I caused has slowly healed as if like a child and made me feel a bit lonely, what can I do in the face of your strength?

But with this, I really…¬†My sister, my family, I’m betraying all of them, aren’t I? Even if it’s like this, the sin I’ve committed, somehow it’s maddening. But it’s sweet, isn’t it?¬†The truth of the matter is, despite how hard you try and fight to stay in control, when it’s all said and done, sometimes you just outnumbered.

I won’t leave. Because the night has finally ended. It’s the end. Although it’s not a morning that I have been looking forward to.

The sensation feels like sinking into the silver-coloured darkness and the memories afterward are so mixed up. My thoughts completely stopped. They oversee this body won’t do what it’s told.

There is no morning, only my sky doesn’t have mornings. So, I keep looking towards the east to reduce the darkness that keeps descending upon my shoulders. Please give me sunlight.¬†I don’t want to be alone. I’m afraid of being alone.

So, where’s my happy ending?

I.J.G