Give me sunlight

Even now I don’t know how it happened. Before I realised it, you were constantly in my sight and that, for no reason whatsoever, terrified me. I thought you’d been following me. Then one day I realised, I was the one following you and I was the one who wanted to be killed. I wonder how I’ve manged to live up till now. Don’t know how, but I’ll get by. Slowly pull myself together.

This is just self-defense. Whenever I get betrayed, it heightens up. Not wanting to be hurt. When I don’t know all about the other party. I feel insecure. I want to believe in you, but first let me say this: with me like this, the wound that I caused has slowly healed as if like a child and made me feel a bit lonely, what can I do in the face of your strength?

But with this, I really… My sister, my family, I’m betraying all of them, aren’t I? Even if it’s like this, the sin I’ve committed, somehow it’s maddening. But it’s sweet, isn’t it? The truth of the matter is, despite how hard you try and fight to stay in control, when it’s all said and done, sometimes you just outnumbered.

I won’t leave. Because the night has finally ended. It’s the end. Although it’s not a morning that I have been looking forward to.

The sensation feels like sinking into the silver-coloured darkness and the memories afterward are so mixed up. My thoughts completely stopped. They oversee this body won’t do what it’s told.

There is no morning, only my sky doesn’t have mornings. So, I keep looking towards the east to reduce the darkness that keeps descending upon my shoulders. Please give me sunlight. I don’t want to be alone. I’m afraid of being alone.

So, where’s my happy ending?

I.J.G